Two-things-only-safe

Combisafe - who provide safety netting for Broadgate Tower - are proud to announce that they have just exhibited at 'The most successful Bauma of all time.'

Good for them.

It is a silly name for a construction industry event - sounding more like an innuit coming of age ceremony, or the name of a crime-fighter in a hurry - , but as you can see from the photo the event is full of big machines, and is basically a schoolboy's dream. So I shan't mock something which I damn well wish I could go to.

Combisafe have the following to say about their range of netting and fences:

Our edge protection systems don't comply with safety standards.

What?!?

They set them.

Aaaah. Clever.

And reassuring too.

Their site safety solutions include some that are 'based around a square concept', and others which incorporate 'a "zero" factor fall arrest system.' Perplexing though these product descriptions are, the most bizarre thing about the company is why they call themselves Combisafe? It's surely a bit self-aggrandizing to suppose that using two different kinds of thing - namely nets and fences - is justification enough to use the prefix 'combi'. A greengrocer - with his myriad varieties of fruit and veg - could perhaps justify calling his stall 'Combiveg', but I think if you only peddle 2 kinds of wares you're over-egging the point a bit. Here's what the world would be like if the practice was widespread:

• Bikes would be known as combiwheels. (Bike thieves would still however be known as 'bike-thieving bastards' as the alliteration really helps exorcise those bilious feelings).
• Trousers would be known as combitubes
• Twins would be called combipeople
• Newton's third law would be renamed 'Newton's law of combi-ness'

I'm sure you get the idea by now?

Ok, one more then. But only because I'm quite enjoying this.

• Fences would be known as combisides