Betrayal... by tortoises

Disturbing news today.

I had the day off work, but left the house not too much later than on a normal work day to go and buy a screwdriver and hammer to put up shelves (it's not the first screwdriver I've ever owned, but it is the first hammer).

I got back to find the scene in the picture: The brightly coloured tortoises with bobbing heads I bought at the peace festival in Leamington all those years ago have started worshipping the gherkin from my London in a Bag in some sort of phallic god cultish ritual.

How long this has been going on for I don't know. I was lucky to catch them out this time; they probably thought I'd gone for the day. All I can say for sure is that I feel cheap, dirty and betrayed.

In other disturbing news, the bus stop on Bishopsgate outside Liverpool Street station has disappeared.